Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
