Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
