have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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