My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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