im about as happy as oj after his trial
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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