I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
