JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Randomize
