i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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