he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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