How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
