just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
