That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
