I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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