and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
