...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
