6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
