You're a womanizer and a bitch.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
