And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
