i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
