So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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