Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
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