If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
