Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
