watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
