haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
