so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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