just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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