what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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