your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
