it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
