I wannas sexs uuuuu
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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