If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Randomize
