Jerry, you need to find god
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
