i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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