I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
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I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
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I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
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