my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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