So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
