I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
