Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
