the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
