12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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