Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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