Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
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just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
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Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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