life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
