He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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