mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
