You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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