he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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