no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
