Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
