wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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