are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
