i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
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so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
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It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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