were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
