And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
