I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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