Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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