I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
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