Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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