My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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