I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
