Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
