1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
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