how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
