I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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