who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
