Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
