Whatcha textin bout Willis?
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Randomize
