I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Randomize
