i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
