im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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