So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
